Oh yeah. AND ANOTHER THING. I love my job and it’s normally really a great place to be apart from when my anxiety is kicking me in the butt which is a little all of the time a lot. But it gets really hard being a boy all the time/being a human that is not me and the few times I’ve even been jokingly slightly feminine I get treated like a weirdo/it chips away at the self confidence I’ve built up over the last little while and having colleagues telling me all these manly things I need to do and stuff and things and blegh and yeah. MY NICKNAME IS ALSO MISTER LAY BECAUSE SINCE THE FIRST DAY PEOPLE COULDN’T PRONOUNCE MY NAME EVEN AFTER IT BEING EXPLAINED MULTIPLE TIMES (2 SYLLABLES, IT’S HARD YE, YE NAH) WHICH MAKES ME REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND ONLY ONE PERSON HAS PICKED UP ON IT AND STOPPED USING IT BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS MY DISCOMFORT AND JUST SMILE AWKWARDLY AT EVERYONE. But otherwise I love my job.
How to wind down after a shit day: “Welp I better ease into this with a double shot of that,”, followed by multiple “oops my hand slipped’s,”
If I could form words to explain how I feel I wouldn’t be feeling like this.
I feel like I am drifting and breaking apart from everything again and my brain isn’t having any coherent thoughts just a loop of a sentence that doesn’t make any sense but also never ends but at the same time I really am okay I really am I just don’t know if I will be okay in the near future because I am so so very good at messing things up and surely I can’t keep doing well for a long period of time because that would be falling out of routine and we can’t have that now can we. I’m tired.
I like Halloween in Australia because I can buy 5 packs of fun-size chocolates in preparation and know that at the end of the day the only bitch eating them will be me because no bitch kid trick-or-treats around here no matter how hard Woolworths tries to make it a thing.